I've Been Keeping a Secret

I’ve been Keeping a Secret

Yes, it’s true…I’ve been keeping a secret.  It is not that I meant to be secretive; I just wasn’t sure who I should share with or even how much I should share.  I have struggled with what to do with my secret.  I have protected it – only sharing with a select few.  I have spent a lot of time in prayer about it.  But now – I know what I should do.  I need to tell it.  I need to embrace it.  I need to say it out loud.  Well, before I do maybe I should share a little background - you know - give you the whole story. 

First and foremost, I am a child of the King.  I truly love Jesus more and more every day.  I wish I had known a long time ago what I know today.  I am a wife, a mother and a MeMe.  I have lived a blessed life – yet have endured two failed marriages, have made many mistakes, taken the wrong path, and experienced times of great joy and days of true suffering.  I am broken and flawed.  But as I look back on my life – the good days and the bad, I now realize that each and every moment has contributed to who I am today and because of it and in spite of it – God can use my life for His glory.  Eighteen years ago, He brought me into the Direct Sales industry and allowed me to build an incredible business.  I am an Accessory Stylist for Premier Designs’ jewelry.  This company is built on Biblical principles and has brought some incredible mentors, encouragers and friends into my life – far too many to mention.  I love what I do.  I love the jewelry.  I love fashion.  But most of all – I love the people!  I love working with women and helping them to make their dreams come true.  This has been my passion and my ministry.  I have known for years that God wanted me to pour into the lives of others – mainly women.  I have been able to do that through my business and I have loved every minute of it.  God gave me the opportunity to be a leader in this business.  While it has been fun and exciting – I now realize that God has used Premier in my life to grow me, to change me and to prepare me.  Before you get the wrong idea – let me say – I am not leaving Premier.  No…that is not my secret. But…there is…more.

About a year ago, God began to whisper “More” into my ear.  More?  Seriously?  I argued with God because I was busy and didn’t know how I would do any more than I was already doing.  But God began to reveal to me that He wasn’t asking me to simply add more to my To Do List – He was calling me to become more – to grow, to change, to become who He has called me to be.  I threw up my hands and agreed to do whatever He was asking me to do.  Shortly after, I felt led to start this blog.  As crazy as it sounds, one day driving down the road, out of nowhere (or so it seemed) it was as if God had whispered into my spirit.   Suddenly, I knew I was to start a blog (although I had never even read one) and that the title was to be “Master what Matters”.  I was to write about living an abundant life focusing on the things that truly do matter.  What?  That was just crazy to me.  I didn’t really even know what a blog was.  So again – I argued.  It came to the point that finally my son-in-law, who is in the ministry said, “You just need to be obedient. You have to write at least one post.”  I whined and told him, “I don’t even know how to do it or where to start.”  As he walked out the door, he answered, “You will figure it out.”  Seriously y’all – I am not kidding.  I stomped to my computer, sat down in front of it and wiggled my mouse.  My screen opened my Twitter feed and the first tweet I saw was by an author I follow named Michael Hyatt that read, “How to Start a Blog in 20 Minutes.”  And so…I did. 

I could tell you story after story after story about all that I have experienced the last year.  It has been an amazing and emotional 12 months.  I am amazed by the number of people who continue to read my blog posts.  God has brought so many people into my life; so many books and Bible studies and many writers.   I have learned so much – and have come to know that I have so much to learn. It is exciting and scary and overwhelming and quite frankly mind boggling.  And although I don’t know all that God is up to in my life, I do know this.  I have been called to write.  Yes, called. There you have it.  That is my secret. I have no doubt that I have been called into ministry and that He has called me to write.  Crazy?  Yes, it seems crazy to me, too!  I keep telling God that this is crazy.  Me?  I speak all of the time in front of women – but here He is calling me to write. God has used some incredible mentors, counselors and friends to help me understand that He does not call the equipped – but He equips the called.  And while this is totally out of my comfort zone – this is exactly where God wants me to be – stretched, out of my element, where it is clear that it is God’s doing and His alone.  My mom who is so encouraging and supportive laughed and said, “I know this is from God.  For a night owl like you to get up at 6:30 every morning to write – God has to be in it.”  

What does all of this mean?  I don’t know.  I only know that God has given me some pretty clear instructions on some things I need to do and I am going to be obedient to Him.  While I would love for Him to reveal the BIG picture and tell me how this is going to play out – that is not going to happen.  He directs us one step at a time – in His time.  So, I am going to do what I have been called to do.  I am going to write.  I am going to continue to write alongside working my Premier business, serving in my church and loving on my family.  I have no idea where it will lead or how He will use it.  We will all just have to watch and see.  But as I struggled with embracing this calling – He gave me a promise in Isaiah 41:10, “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”  He said it.  I believe it.  That settles it.

Why am I sharing this with you?  Well, I feel led to let you know WHY I am writing.  You know, when someone is called to preach or to the mission field – they walk the center aisle and make it public at church.  There seems to be some pretty clear steps they should take.  This feels different and I just haven’t known how to make it known.   And to be totally honest – I have felt pretty insecure about this.  I have wondered what people would think.  I have feared what they might say.  And I have definitely felt ill-equipped.  It has been as if a spot-light has illuminated my insecurities.  But, I certainly don’t doubt God.  So, I know that this is something I must embrace.  After all, it is not about self-confidence, is it?  It is about having faith and trust in God and stepping out of the boat to walk on the water with Him.  So, I am ready to embrace this calling.  I am studying and teaching God’s word.  I am taking steps to develop the craft of writing.  I am trusting God daily for guidance and direction.  I am ready to add to my list of titles, the titles of “Christian Blogger” and “Writer”.  Yikes!    And although I have been so humbled and so blessed to have the opportunity to minister to women through my business - I now know that God wants me to do more – to reach further.  He has called me to not only write for those I know through my business and my church – but for all people.  He has given me a burning desire to encourage others in their walk with Christ and to inspire them to live an abundant life that can only come from having a relationship with Him.   

It would bless my heart if you would pray with me and for me.  You could be my silent partner on this journey.  You know, it didn’t take long after I said, “Yes!” to God for Satan to begin His attacks.  I know that I will have many challenges and obstacles, but that God will use each one to grow me and to strengthen me.  That is scary – but oh…so…exciting!!!!  Please pray that God would continue to speak to me and flow through me.  Please pray that He would use every word that I write for His glory.  And if you would like to partner with me to share the love of Christ – you might encourage others to subscribe to the blog.  (Just in case you haven’t been there – you can find it at www.masterwhatmatters.org.) Should you feel led – feel free to share it on Facebook; retweet it on Twitter and pin it on Pinterest. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this.  I appreciate you so very much. For those of you who have been reading my posts and encouraging me – you have no idea how much you mean to me.  Seriously!  You are loved beyond measure.  I am excited to hold hands and travel this path with all of you.  I am excited to see where all of this leads – whether it is a short road or a very long one.  No matter – it is exciting to just raise my hands in surrender and declare, “Yes Lord – I will accept your calling.  I will live out your plan.  I will trust in You.”

Whew!  It feels good to share!  Thanks for listening.



Pam Pegram

Christian Blogger & Writer ;-)