When Leaders Shrink Back, Lead Soft, and Fail Others

(Warning! This may be triggering for you if you or someone you have loved has been a victim of sexual abuse.)

My family is walking through an incredibly difficult time.

Our former youth minister committed sexual battery against one of my family members. That in itself is horrific. But we continue to see leader after leader fail miserably – the judge in this case, church leaders, school board members, teachers and other prominent people in our community. Many are mandated reporters who should be screaming the loudest over the injustice we face.

So, let me bring you up to date. We have known about the abuse – the sexual battery - for a year and this year has been long and it has been extremely difficult – especially for the victim but also for the entire family. It truly has impacted all of us in many ways. And in ways that you would never imagine. I can’t get into all of it today because we would be here for hours. I will share that we did not receive justice in that courtroom. The case was extremely strong and the judge awarded an unbelievable weak sentence - that we have now learned was an illegal sentence. Please be praying for justice of our family.

As someone who values leadership – I am so disappointed by so many leaders who have led soft when they should have led strong. I talk a lot about leadership – at women’s events, at business events, from stages, in groups, and as I work with individual clients. Leadership is my jam. And we have a problem. We need strong leaders! Will you be one?

I am in the hardest season of my life – where I must walk out what I talk about. I will lead strong in this season, I will set an example of strong leadership, and I fix my eyes on Jesus and lead like Him.

I’m always talking about some aspect of leadership. But today, I am addressing the problem with shrinking back, soft leadership, and leaders who fail.

When you are a leader – you are held to a higher standard. I believe every Christian is called to lead. During this last year – we have been directly impacted by leaders who have misled in this courtroom, in the church, in our community, and even in the marketplace. And what these leaders have failed to see – is that the hurt goes beyond our family and impacts so many lives.

When we don’t lead strong and stand firm, we fail.

Our example of leadership is Jesus. Yes, He showed compassion and mercy and sacrificial love, but He had courage and resolve. He fought for the vulnerable. He upheld the truth. He demanded a high standard. And He made an eternal impact.

Please note, Jesus was not a soft leader. He did not stay quiet about injustice. He was not prideful or arrogant. He was willing to be uncomfortable. He had hard conversations. He spoke truth in love. He sacrificed Himself in order to lead well.

 So, what can we as Believers do? Here are some practical tips. They are simple – but they are so important.

1.     Rise up. Decide today that when a situation comes your way you will not shrink back – but you will rise-up and and lead well. The question should not be, “What should we do?” The question should be,  “How do I lead well – even in this?”

2.     Take the appropriate steps. If a crime has been committed – call the authorities immediately. Have policies and procedures in place and act on them quickly. If an employee shared inaccurate numbers or misled a customer, take the appropriate steps to right the wrong. If your child misbehaves, hold them accountable and use age appropriate consequences to discourage repeated behavior.

3.     Do the right thing for the right reason. I could give so many examples here. But I’m going to be specific – not out of anger – but because it is important. Our pastor was not in the courtroom with us and it was so hurtful. They said they received legal counsel to not attend. This makes no sense to me. What legal threat was it for them to stand with the victim who was sexually battered by one of their staff? What would Jesus do? Would he value legal counsel over scripture and prayer? The point for you is – as a leader it is important to show up for those who God has entrusted you to lead. It is a heart matter. Do the right thing for the right reasons. When you do, you will honor God.

4.     Don’t let pride stop you from saying I messed up, I’m sorry, I withdraw my support or I was playing Savior. Strong leaders know how to acknowledge their failures. Doing so is the only way to fail forward – to learn and to grow and to become more like Jesus. The judge awarded an illegal sentence of house arrest. A business owner further abused us by making the predator the face of her boutique. A School Board member and a former police chief – along with others whose names have not been released yet – wrote letters to help secure leniency for the predator. A teacher took the stand to not only defend the predator but to shame the victim. And the church we attended – even after the abuse – failed to stand firm until the end. A public apology to the victim and her family would not only go along way to heal our hearts – but would make an impact in our community. I would be remiss as a strong leader to not ask those who have failed grossly – to decide today to do the right thing for the right reason – acknowledge fault, ask forgiveness, and commit to do better.

5.     Don’t grow bitter and don’t lose hope. Right now, I could have raging anger and most would support me. Right now, I could choose to hate those who failed us and most would not fault me. Right now, I could go on a crusade to destroy those who have hurt us and many would rally behind me. But instead, I will walk out Philippians 2:3-4 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

If you don’t know me, know this – Jesus is my hope. He is my Savior and my Friend. I trust Him in the midst of all of this devastation we are walking through.

I will not be selfish and seek what is best for me. For instance – I could be in a resort right now, doing red light therapy, and trying to think positive thoughts. Instead – I am choosing to fight for what is right, what is just, and do what I believe Jesus would do.

And I will look out for the interest of others. Our precious brave and strong loved one is not the first victim and won’t be the last. This case has revealed a lot of reform that needs to take place and we as Believers need to lead the charge.

Jesus mentions the vulnerable countless times. His teaching are filled with the concept of doing what is good and what is right. And His message is all about Truth – He is declares that He is Truth.

Therefore, we must fight to protect the vulnerable. We must rise up and do what is right. And we must stand firm on the truth of God’s word.

Are you with me?

Are you committed to lead strong?

One morning in my quiet time, God dropped in my spirit that I was to build a network of leaders who would rise up and lead at work, in their community, and in their homes and then teach others to do the same. I wasn’t sure why or how I was supposed to do that, but now I know and am committed to do as He has instructed. If you need help leading strong, visit pampegram.com/coaching for ways that I can be of help to you. Together we can make a great impact.

Have you taken the Leadership Quiz?

Click the link below to discover what type of leader God created you to be.

 NOTE FROM PAM:

Thank you so much for reading this blog post. I appreciate you taking time to do that and my prayer is that it has influenced you to take a step closer to Jesus, surrender every area of your life to Him, and become the leader He created you to be and to do what He is calling you to do. I can testify that life is better with Him than trying to go it alone.

In addition to this blog, I have a podcast called Confident Christian Influence and I offer Coaching to help you move forward. I also love to speak to groups - large and small - about Leadership, Inteionality, Clarity, God’s Plan, and even Time Management / Productivity. Feel free to connect with me about ways I can serve you and your group and help you experience personal growth, make meaningful impact, and apply Biblically sound truth.  

Visit pampegram.com to learn more about Pam and the resources she offers.