Do you ever get on social media, start scrolling, and think, "Ugh, all of these women are so amazing"? They have incredible families and important jobs, and they're really making a difference in the world. Then the quiet voice starts telling you that you're less than, that you're not important, that you don't matter, and that you don't even know what your calling is. If that sounds familiar, I want to ask you one question: Who told you that? I bet there are a lot of people who would argue with you. And if you can't say God told you that, don't listen to it.
🎧Listen to the full episode at pampegram.com/podcast. (Episode 254)
It's Not Your Abilities. It's Your Identity.
So many times we think we're not equipped, that we don't have what it takes to follow the path God has placed us on. But it's not an issue with our abilities. It's an issue with our identity in Christ. We forget that we are daughters of the King and that we have been chosen. "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago" (Ephesians 2:10, NLT). Before He formed us in our mother's womb, He already knew what He wanted us to do. "I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb" (Jeremiah 1:5, NLT).
Of course He will equip us! He will show up and move in ways we can't even imagine yet. "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20, NLT). The problem isn't that we're not equipped. The problem is that we're too busy comparing ourselves to other people to follow Him.
Here's a myth many of us believe: if she's doing it better, there's no room for me. But here's the truth. God has a specific assignment for you, with your own lane and your own people. Let's look at five things comparison costs you and what to do instead. You'll probably recognize yourself in two or three of them, and maybe all five.
1. Don't Borrow a Title That Isn't Yours
When you compare yourself to someone else, you're really borrowing a title that isn't yours. Here's an example. When I compare my fitness, I don't compare myself to other 60-something grandmothers. If I did, I'd probably be doing pretty well! No, I compare myself to a fitness instructor who works out three or four hours a day. That's her calling and her passion. Comparing my 30 minutes a day to her four hours isn't apples to apples, but right away I label myself a failure, and those negative thoughts start swirling around and around in my mind.
Last week we talked about identity theft. Satan can't steal your salvation, so he comes after your identity, and comparison is one of his favorite tools. When we compare, we fix our eyes on them and want to be more and more like them. But our goal is to fix our eyes on Him and become more like Jesus. "We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith" (Hebrews 12:2, NLT). It's a them/Him problem. We don't want to be like them. We want to be like Him.
Comparison also lets other people decide our worth, as if we're not as important because we're not doing things as big as they are. But your worth and value were instilled in you by your Creator. Your mistakes haven't diminished them, and neither has anything that's happened to you. We all have the same worth and the same value, even though we have different callings. God has a specific assignment for you. Stay in your lane, impact the people God is calling you to impact, and let her impact the people God is calling her to impact.
I've planned a lot of events, and sometimes I get so much from one speaker and not as much from another. Then at the end, half the room comes up raving about the speaker I didn't connect with. Some speakers are direct and bottom line, and others paint a beautiful picture with their words. People hear differently from different people. That's why you can't compare yourself to anyone else. Nobody else can do what God is asking you to do the way you can, and reach the same people.
2. "What Is That to You? As for You, Follow Me."
In John 21, after the resurrection, Jesus reveals Himself to the disciples and has breakfast with them. He asks Peter three times, "Do you love me?" Then Peter looks at John and asks, "Lord, what about him?" Jesus replies, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me" (John 21:22, NLT). I love it!
So when you catch yourself asking God, "What about her? Why is she so successful? How is everything going so well for her?", hear Jesus say, "What is that to you? As for you, follow Me." That's between her and the Lord. Your job is to fix your eyes on Him and take the step He's calling you to take. You do that by leaning into a firm foundation: reading the Word, spending time with the Lord, asking questions, inviting Him into your every day, and saying yes when He invites you into something.
3. Test Your Own Work
"Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct" (Galatians 6:4-5, NLT). Bam. Mic drop. You have your assignment, not her assignment, and you have to remember that.
The E in my L.E.A.D. Framework stands for Elevate your perspective. When you zoom out, you'll see that what God is asking you to do isn't only about you. Let's say God asks you to lead a Bible study. Right away you think, "But God, I don't know the Bible that well. I can't even pronounce some of the books!" You've made it all about you. Zoom out, and you'll see the women who might come, including some who would never go to a Bible study if you weren't leading it. You'll see that you'll probably learn more than anyone, that you don't need all the answers because God is the answer, and that other people's lives could be enriched because you chose to lead.
So the next time you start comparing, ask yourself three questions. First, is it true? "I can't lead because I don't know the Bible well enough" isn't true, because we'll all be learning together. Second, did God tell me that? No, God is asking me to lead, so I can't listen to all the reasons I shouldn't. Third, what has God asked me to do today? Not anybody else, but what is the Holy Spirit prompting me to do? You can ask these same questions when you're thinking about launching a business, leading a committee in your community, starting a nonprofit or taking a promotion at work.
4. Turn Comparison Into Celebration
Instead of rolling your eyes and thinking, "Oh my gosh, she's so perfect," celebrate her. When you notice someone doing something really well, comment on her post or send her a private message. If she's a friend, pick up the phone and tell her how excited you are for her, or ask how you can pray for her. Your celebration is encouragement, and it inspires her to keep going. Leaders who celebrate others grow influence, and leaders who compare shrink influence. If we want God to enlarge our territory and increase our influence, celebrating others is a great place to start.
5. Identify Your Secret Sauce
So often, what you think holds you back is actually your secret sauce. Someone says, "I'm just better in the back of the room." Maybe she's detail-focused, and the person on the stage sees the big picture but can't keep up with the details. Those details might be exactly how God wants to use her. So what's yours? Are you servant-hearted? Are you a visionary who sees the big picture? Are you others-focused? Know what your secret sauce is, and be thankful for it.
God didn't make any copies. Isn't that amazing? There are so many incredible women around you, and none of us are just alike. "The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ" (1 Corinthians 12:12, NLT). When someone else does something amazing, don't compare yourself to her. Let it inspire you to know that you can make a difference too, not because you want to be amazing, but because you serve an amazing God. Use your gift for His glory.
Go Deeper: Free ‘From Identity to Influence’ Workshop
Understanding your identity, accepting it, believing it and walking in it is life-changing. It will set you free, stop a lot of what's holding you back, and let you run the race God has set before you. Nothing is better than being smack dab in the middle of His will, doing exactly what He created you to do.
Join me on Tuesday, November 10, at 7:00 PM Central for a free online workshop called From Identity to Influence. You'll learn to recognize who you are in Christ, so you can take steps toward the purpose and plan God has for you. Join live to ask your questions and win some extra special prizes. If you can't make it live, sign up anyway and you'll receive the recording. Save your free seat at pampegram.com/workshop.
Reflection question: Who do you catch yourself comparing to? This week, send her a message to celebrate her, and then ask God, "What have You asked me to do today?"
Hi friend,
I pray today's post was an encouragement to you.
I'm Pam Pegram, and I believe every believer is called to lead. Leadership is influence. It's not about having a title or a platform. It's about faithfully influencing every life God places in your path. I help Christian women know who God says they are, so they can be salt and light at home, at work and in their community.
Your next step: download my free L.E.A.D. Framework and discover four biblical shifts to help you lead with influence wherever God places you.
👉 Get your free L.E.A.D. Framework here
Want more encouragement each week? Subscribe to the Confident Christian Influence podcast. If you'd like to talk one on one, you can book a coaching session with me here.
Let’s get social - you can find me on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube
I'm so thankful you're here. 😊
Called to Lead. Created to influence.